Distance · LDR · Trust

Trust in an LDR

Article after article, post after post… most MilSO and LDR bloggers stress the importance of trust to make a long distance and/or military relationship work.  In my case, it’s a double whammy -Long Distance Military Relationship…which requires double the trust!

With all the posts and articles I read, I agree that trust needs to be one of the fundamental building blocks to any successful relationship, but especially for the successful LDR that I am trying to maintain.

Although I agree, I have found that I struggle trying to give my Love the full trust that he deserves.  Don’t get me wrong, he has completely earned it!  Yet my mind always wanders to the worst-case-scenario.  Of course, this can easily be explained by my own “daddy issues” that have plagued my past,  but as I grow older, I really do strive to leave those issues in the past where the belong.

Exhibit A: My Love was invited by a friend to go to a concert in Vegas (yes, where we had just been together).  My Love was completely up front with me about it and even asked if I would mind if he went…

Immediately though my mind jumped to the worst conclusion.  I mean, two Sailors alone in Vegas, what could possibly go wrong?!?  While visions of “On the Town” played in my head (if you are a Navy MilSO look up the musical “On the Town”) .

I expressed my concern -gently warning my Love that if his friend also wanted him to see strippers that I would be extremely upset.

Why did I even think that they would do that? I have no idea.  I know my Love would never cheat on me or anything like that.  Yet, I flat-out accused him of even considering it.  I felt horrible.  After over a year of dating he has never once expressed interest in anyone but me (as it should be).  He hasn’t ever given me a reason to question his fidelity.  Yet, I jumped to that conclusion so effortlessly.

In the end, my Love and his friend survived Vegas.  He communicated with me as much as he could over the weekend that he was there.  They enjoyed their concert, and most importantly my fears didn’t come true -so I really had nothing to worry about.

If he can go to Vegas and not seek out other women, he can go anywhere and still stay faithful to me.  Even though I struggle with trust, there’s absolutely no reason for me to question his love or loyalty.

Looking back, I feel horrible for even mentioning my concern about strippers.  It wasn’t fair to him.  He has given me every possible reason to trust him over the past year and a half.  So I absolutely do.  Even more now.

Just as trust can be broken, I think it can also grow.  My Love has helped me realize this. He has never once broken the trust I have for him, but he earned more over a weekend in Vegas.   Just as our love has grown, so has our trust in one another.

 

Have you struggled with trust in your own relationships?  How did you overcome it?

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13 thoughts on “Trust in an LDR

  1. It is easy to let your imagination get the best of you when you are so far apart. I used to with my Marine as well, so you are not alone. But, like you, my Love has proven he will never stray. Nor will I. I can’t really explain how we overcame it. He still has fears of me straying or flat out leaving but I think I can honestly say the daily texts help me tons w my fears. My struggle is loneliness (and not relationship wise). I don’t have much of a MilSO support group other than his immediate family. Do you have any advice?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s good to know I’m not alone. That’s what any MilSO needs to hear. I created this blog to support other MilSOs so you’re in the right place! Otherwise you can seek out other MilSOs on Instagram, twitter, or Facebook support pages!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have and am trying to. Thank you and no you are not alone. You can reach out and talk to me whenever you need. Thank you for this blog. It has helped me feel better about things too. I like that idea in one of your earlier blogs too w the MilSO box. Where did you get that from? It’s cute. Pls keep posting as you get more

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes! Feel free to reach out to me too if you need any support! The MilSO Box is a new company (you can find them on Facebook and Instagram for more information!) I’ll definitely keep posting about what I receive in the future boxes!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi there! Thanks for being so open and honest in this post. Mystery Man has never given me a reason not to trust him, but I certainly have trust issues from past experiences and I know that it’s something I have to work on myself. It sounds like you have a great man in your life 😉 It’s awesome that he understands you and is willing to openly communicate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! He is great, I appreciate his willingness to communicate about anything and everything… Communication is also a must-have for an LDR!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As a military spouse and a disabled vet (prior service Air Force), all I can say is that if a person decides to cheat they’re going to do it with or without the distrust and jealousy. It is a selfish act with little thought or consideration for the milSO waiting faithfully at home. I have witnessed first hand my share of married members who cheat of deployment and/or TDY; but for every bad one I have met just as many that put their spouse and family above all else and never even had a tempted moment to stray from their vows. Jealousy is a toxic thing in a relationship. It poisons the heart and mind of the person emitting it and taints the receiver of the jealousy with animosity. In my humble opinion, that animosity from a lack of trust can be what makes or a breaks a relationship. My general rule is that if my husband were going to cheat, which I don’t suspect he would, he’d do it whether I was jealous or not. So why create an environment that pushes him away…? Trust is a fickle thing, especially in the military. But that’s a risk we take when we choose this life. Also, strippers are just people doing a job. When I was in I went to just as many stripped bars as the dudes because the drinks were cheap and there’s really not much going on right outside of military bases that aren’t home station. When your TDY or PCS’d transportation outside of work is generally the shoelace express. Not saying that I think strip clubs are top notch hang outs, but if a woman assumes a man is too stupid or too weak to resist a naked women has little to no interest in him beyond monetary compensation then that is an insult to their intelligence and self-control. Trust that you, and your selection of this special someone that you love, has better judgement than to invest such a profound emotion in someone who would partake in infidelity of any kind. Anyways, I how you find it in yourself to overcome that struggle and that your sailor is as understanding as you are committed. Best of luck and hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. thanks so much for your honesty and openness. Alot of people make it sound so effortless but it gets the best of us at our weak moments, for me it was an Ldr that didnt end when we got married as we are till trying to breach the gap. Nigeria- Wisconsin. My husband has been great about any insecurities I get and understands that sometimes its easy to get caught up in the distance or my imagination and so he has done really well in helping me and yes our trust in one another grows daily and no its not easy lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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